Relationship Reflection

Relationship Reflection

On the wall outside of a classroom this week:  "Relationships shape behavior not rules."

This is my mom.  She and I have always had a close relationship.  I am indebted to her for my faith and to the example she sets to try new things and to make a difference by doing all that I can to improve myself and make the world a better place.  We don’t always agree, but that is because we are similar in many ways.  We both love music, animals, cooking, gardening and hand work.  She has taught me perseverance and that I can do whatever I set my mind to do.

This is my husband, Bob.  We met after we had both finished college.  We have music and the love of reading in common.  We are very different as we look at how to handle things.  Because of that, we have learned a great deal from each other.  Our roles at this point have reversed.  He used to be very outgoing and wanting to relate to other people.  He was great with people during his 26 years in the ministry.  Now he is very quiet and prefers to be at home.  I used to be shy and learned from him how to relate to people and make them feel good about themselves.  Now I love being around other people.  The children that I work with help to keep my young and young at heart. I take my marriage vows very seriously.  My husband used to be the leader in our family.  Now it is my turn to be wife and caretaker to my husband.  This has taught me that relationships are constantly evolving.  We will be married for 33 years this summer.  We’re going to the beach with the children and grandchildren.

   This is my son, Thomas, his wife, Misty and our three grandchildren—Kimberly, Zach and Elizabeth.  Until I was a grandmother, I didn’t realize what a wonderful experience it is.  I only get to see them about once a month because they live an hour away and are very busy with their own lives.  Through my grandchildren I have learned that relationships are the most important thing.  No thing is as important as the love between people.  I have a lot of patience.  I am grateful for that as I interact with these three totally different children.  Because of them I have been taking better care of my health.  I would do anything I could do for them.  Thomas and Misty are great parents, and they complement each other.  Each has special gifts they bring to their relationship.  That is true of all relationships.  They all have value in their own way.

This is my daughter, Rebekah.  She is a very strong young woman.  She says that it is because of the example I have set.  We have been through a very trying time with my husband being very ill.  She has been very helpful as we have moved through this experience together.  I have learned to be more assertive through watching her strive to achieve her goals.  She is the director of activities at an assisted living facility.  She and I share the love of music and reading.  Rebekah has her dad’s sense of humor.  I appreciate good humor and see how it is useful in diffusing situations.  I am more serious, but have learned from her that life doesn’t have to always be serious.

 Jean is my best friend.  I also consider her my guardian angel.  We met 15 years ago while teaching at a private school.  She moved to Virginia from Rochester, NY.  We became almost immediate friends because we have a lot in common.  She helped me through my daughter’s teenage years.  She also has a very relaxed way of looking at life.  Jean has taught me that there is nothing to lose by taking chances.  I love her sense of humor.  She also helps me to not take life so seriously.  I appreciate her staying beside me as I dealt with my husband’s illness.  We love going to craft shows together, singing, ringing bells, and gardening.  Our husbands cringe when we go shopping together because we always spend more than we should.  I have learned from her that no matter what happens you can get through it.

This is Olivia, a true stereotypical cat.This is Lucy, our grandcat.  She is loaded with personality.  She likes her schedule to go a certain way.  Unfortunately, she has not liked graduate school at all because she hasn’t had the time in grandmother’s lap she would like.   She greets me each morning with a conversation and again when I come home in the afternoon.

 Olivia is a rescue cat that we found behind some bushes at a friend’s home.  She was severely underweight when we found her.  After six months with us, she decided to take a ride inside Rebekah’s car motor across Richmond.  She lived outside for 3 weeks before Rebekah spotted her at work.  We captured her and brought her home.  She was so grateful.  She has not tried to escape again.  From our cats I have learned that cats, like people can be very different.  I have to respect each one for who they are.

This is the group of people I work with every day.  Dr. Whitehead, on the far right, is my boss.  She is a great person to work for because she looks for the positive in every situation.  We have a great deal in common as well.  We both love music, and her husband is a minister.  We both have a heart for the children we serve.  Sometimes it can be heartbreaking.  She is my mentor because I have learned so much about being an administrator by working with her.  She has taught me the importance of getting buy in from all parties in a situation.  Beside her is Janet Harris, the health coordinator.  She arranges for all of our health screenings to be done and then follows up with the parents.  She is very straight forward.  I respect her for that.  She also is a child at heart.  Her favorite holidays at work are St. Patrick’s Day and Halloween.  She has as much fun as the children do on those days.  She has a Master’s Degree in business.  I have learned a great deal about getting all the facts and documenting everything from her.  The gentleman in the middle is our transportation coordinator and fatherhood specialist, Morris Randall.  He can be serious, but he prefers to be funny.  He has a gift for working with people.  He is very good at reading people.  He is also a pastor of a church in a community nearby.  We have to work closely together because the aides from my classroom also ride the bus with the children.  They also drive the bus if the bus driver is absent.  Next is our secretary, Claudette Whitaker.  She is like a mother to me.  She keeps telling me to work as long as I can.  Her husband is ill also so work is an outlet for her.  She is a very good writer and is the first face that our clients see.  Like me, she has had to refresh her Spanish because almost one third of our children are Latino.  Missing from the picture is Jennifer Jules-Best, who is the Family and Community Partnership Coordinator.  She brings a great deal of experience working with families.  She and her staff help the parents create goals for themselves.  We work closely together because she recruits the students that will go into my classrooms.  We are very different individuals, yet, we each are experts in our fields.  We respect each other’s gifts.    Like brothers and sisters, we get on each other’s nerves, but we still respect them for what they bring to the team.  Ultimately,  we all agree that what is best for the child and family is what we need to do.

There is one more relationship that is very important to me.  That relationship is my church family.  I have only been going to this church for 2 years, but it is so friendly I feel like I have been going for years.  I sing in the choir there.  It brings me great joy.  I direct 2 children's choirs.  As a choir director I am also on the Children's Ministry team and Worship team.  Right now I am in a small group studying the book The Journey.  It is about healing relationships that are broken.  I don't have a picture to show representing them.

In all relationships, trust is of utmost importance.  Communication is also key.  There has to be give and take.  Shared decision making helps to build trust in the relationship (Halgunseth, 2009).  Sensitivity to cultural difference is essential as well.  Listening is also important.  All of these are characteristics that support healthy relationships.  They can also be a challenge.  Finding staff who understand particular languages can be difficult.  Building trust takes hard work on everyone's part.  Taking time to listen is a skill that has to be developed.  Working together everyone benefits.

References

Halgunseth, L., Peterson, A., Stark, D., & Moodie, S. (2009). Family engagement, diverse families, and early childhood education programs: An integrated review of the literature. Retrieved from http://www.naeyc.org/files/naeyc/file/research/FamEngage.pdf